Thread: Grand Reopening of the "Hellmouth of Lamar" aka JTM's house. (12/14/09 Attn: Anyone)

JTM sleeps soundly in his bed at his house finally. He awakens and stretches after a good day’s sleep after 2 months of an uncomfortable cot. He stretches as he gets out of his bed and wanders to the fridge to pull out his customary early beer.

“Free at last!!!! What the hell were the people in this city thinking.”

He chuckles abit looking in to see that he is running low on beer yet again.

Shit!!!! I may to go get this restocked. Barbie!!!! Why didn’t you go out and get more beer!!!”

He starts to walk into the living room and almost stumbles into the keg that Stan left him. He looks down at it.

“Ok. Maybe not. Damn you Stan!!! K..scratch that for now Barbie.”

He wanders in the living room to see Barbie still sitting on the table facing his TV, her outfit sloppily put on her, and several empty beer bottles sit in front of her. He looks at her baffled a bit.

“So this is what you do when I’m gone. You decide to drink all my fucking beer!!! I can’t help it if that football player decided to dump.ya. So you caught him cheating with the cheerleader Barbie down the street…why the fuck should I care about that anyways?”

He grabs the remote to the TV before sitting his happy ass down on his comfy couch for the first time in awhile.

Awwwwwww…man that feels so damn good. Peace and quiet at last.

“Wonder what’s on TV tonight. You’d better not have switched it over to the home shopping network again either Barbie.”

He clicks on the TV watching the screen flash up MTV.

“Holy shit!!!! A Heavy Metal Christmas song!!!! Finally they get that shit right!!!! “

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grwP8QvI1jY (click the more info link on the right for the lyrics)

He waits for the song to hit the best part of the song.

“5 SKULL EARRINGS!!! 4 quarts of jack!!! 3 studded belts, 2 pairs of spandex pants …and a tattoo of OZZY!!!!”

He listens to the rest of the song, taking a long swig of his beer.

“Now that’s what I call some cool Christmas shit!!!! Speaking of which….didn’t you order the fucking tree like I told you to Barbie? I don’t fucking see it!!!! Too busy wallowing in your own sorrows, but you couldn’t have taken the time out to make one fucking phone call. Sometimes I wonder why I even keep you around. Fuck!!! I forgot to do my Xmas shopping too Now I gotta think on what to give em..”

He sits back on his comfy couch thinking real hard on gift ideas for the vamps in this city waiting to see who might be brave enough to knock on his door this time and ruin his train of thought.

JTM starts thinking of gift ideas for people.

“Ok. Barbie write this down k. Let see here…hmmmmm…..”

He thinks abit more then the light bulb flashes over his head.

“Well she got promoted so its Prince Maddelena Scattalia now or rather “PMS” for short. It fits her too. She gets mad. I’ll just claim it’s that “time of the month”. Maybe buying her a megaphone might not be the best gift idea cause as far I know she didn’t really scream much either. Maybe going the headless stuffed bear would be a better gift idea then. Fuck,.it’d be funny if she had a whip so she could snap people in line too.”

He chuckles a bit still thinking about his next vamp to gift.

“I wonder what Benji Walker Texas Gangrel would want a crowbar for anyways? But I’ll guess I’ll have to comb the city to find that one for him. You got any ideas on where to look for that one? You can’t get this “special” one at home Depot or Lowes either.”

He takes another sip of his beer somewhat frustrated at this Xmas list so far.

“Dammit. I thought this would be fucking easy, but it aint. Shit!!!! Hmmmm….now what to get Lydia for Xmas? Hooked on Phonics? NO. Ummm…..crap…maybe a Mother Goose nursery rhyme book? I’m trying not to be RUDE like some other vamps are in this city either. Maybe I’ll see something that’ll catch my eye while I’m out. Something that will “Mist”-ify me.”

He laughs abit more cringing at that sick thought..

“Now for Fitzy…that’s fucking easy. A year subscription to People magazine. She’ll definitely love that shit. I just need her addie to have em mailed there.”

He ponders more people to buy gifts for, having the biggest brain fart a vamp could ever have.