Happy Zombie Awareness Month!

By April May


Ah, May, Spring has sprung. The birds are in the air. And Zombies fill our theaters and internets. May has, for several decades now, been the month to release new off summer horror thrillers, like the newest Zombie flick du jour. With this in mind, May has been named Zombie Awareness Month by several so-called experts on such things.

In keeping with the month, we spoke to several experts ourselves.

We spoke to minister James Horn recently, and he provided lots of helpful tidbits on Zombies.

"A zombie is a creature that appears as a reanimated dead or a mindless human being."

"Contrary to popular belief, Stories of zombies predate the Caribbean ritual belief system of Voodoo, hearkening back all the way to ancient Babylonia with the tales of Ishtar and Gilgamesh. The egyptian tales of mummies rising from the dead to protect their tombs also brings to mind much of the modern concept of Zombies. And the Isrealites had their tales as well. But, of course, modern Zombies would be no where without the cults that thrived in Haiti and the Roman Catholic French Caribbean."

Today's zombies can be a range of anything from Mysically imbued corpses, to regular living humans infected with mind and body altering parasites. But, no matter what type of Zombie you run into everyone agrees on the same thing.

A. Stay away from people: Zombies were just like you once, and just like everyone around you. That means any one around you *might* be a future threat.

B. Head shots: Destroying the internal organs of a Zombie typically does little to even slow it down. Removing limbs seems to work, but you have to get rid of All of them to render the Zombie useless. But all experts agree... no head, no effect.

C. Double Tap: Conserving Effort/Ammo is a great thing. Surviving to the next dawn is a Better thing. Seriously, don't be cheap and don't be scared. Your mother would want a second whack with the meat cleaver if it meant you'd survive another day.

D. Don't Let Them Bleed On You: If it's a Virus type Zombie, it always seems to be Blood that carries the disease. If it's an Eternal Corruption sort of thing, well again, blood seems to be a big culprit. Best thing? Breathe with your mouth closed.

E. Escape Plans are your best friends : Finally pick an Escape route away from populated areas and out to a Safe Zone.

Rev. Horn advised us that some Zombies don't like Hallowed ground, but that's not a safe bet against Viral type Undead.

For now, I'm hoping that I can ward off the Hordes of the Evil Dead, by brandishing the Stop button on my Remote...