Thread: A New Philosophy (attn: Emma,ST) 6/23/10

"I wasn't more than a month as a cainite when I rose to my office. Untimely death makes us all be more than we intended. You'll grow your network ... but never underestimate the ability you have in your office to call on others' resources as sheriff. I'd be happy to advise you in the office... if you get it."

A.J. finds it hard to believe that he is considering her suggestion. He wanted to succeed in his current office, but at the same time, he would probably do better as Sheriff. His pride however, suggested that approaching Cahill about the position might be seen as an admission that he couldn't handle the position of Scourge. He looks at her and says, "You have known Mr. Cahill a long time, right? How do you think he would perceive it, if I did throw my hat in the ring for the position of Sheriff?"

"I believe that Mr. Cahill is a practical man." Emma says spinning around and walking backwards down the sidewalk, looking back at AJ as she goes. "You," she points at AJ. "... need to be honest with him. He doesn't need a soldier broken by the battle or one who will be broken. He needs a man who can do what he commands of him."

She falls back into line with AJ and walks beside him. "Think of things from his point of view, put the world through his strange demented glasses. He's a commanding officer and he thinks of all of us as his little soldiers and this city is his people he's trying to protect from all outside forces."

"He wants to protect his soldiers but he also needs them to perform their duties effectively for the good of the ultimate goal... defense of the domain. If you can't do the duties of scourge, for whatever reason, it would be in his best interest to put you where you'd be better effective. See what I mean?"

A.J. stares into her eyes as she walks backwards in front of him. He takes in every word of what she has to say. He considers the options and tries to view the situation from the point of view she is painting for him. As she finishes he takes a few moments to think about it. He says after a long pause, "When I approached him about this job, he did ask me to come to him if it got too hard. I do not think it has gotten too hard in the duties, just, well, look at me."

Emma stops walking. She turns to AJ and takes his hands in hers. "In our lives we all have moments AJ, moments where we know if we don't take the chance to do the right thing, everything may be lost to us. If you keep going down this path ... if you keep allowing your soul to be eroded... there may not be another moment in time where you have a choice to make things right."

She pauses, the sounds of the city the only thing between them. "I can't make the choice for you ... you need this... I know it and you know it too. The question is, do you want it... can you do what you must to be happy in this life?"

A.J. stands there, his hand in hers, everything within him screaming for him to pull her into his arms and kiss her like there is no tomorrow. His thumb slides back and forth against her smooth, pale, Irish skin. His eyes are soft as the light from a twinkling star as he looks into her eyes. Even the beast within tried to tempt him as it whispered, She wants to be with you. She is trapped by the Giovanni" He holds her gaze a moment longer then says, "Sometimes, you cannot do whatever it will take to be happy. Circumstances, prevent it."

Emma looks at his hand rubbing hers and then back up to him as he speaks softly. Something seems to click in her eyes and she swallows. "AJ... I... I meant the position of Scourge. You might not care if you fall further on your path. This may be your one chance to leave the position." She takes her hands slowly from him.

"I'm sorry if I was giving you the wrong impression. I'm... very taken. I do care about you... you're an impressive individual and I look up to you but, I just don't have room in my life for any other man... not like this. I'll help you as a friend but please understand that, we aren't more than that."

Emma waits a moment to gauge his reaction, "I'm sorry."

A.J. realizes what he had been doing and turns away, extremely embarrassed. He brings his hands and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration, his back to her. It is clearly obvious that he is angry with himself. As he begins to talk, he doesn't turn around, clearly ashamed of himself, "I am sorry. I usually have more self control than that."

He turns and looks at her, a world of regret written all over his face. Embarrassed that she knows what he has been fighting for months. He says in almost a whisper, "I would never do anything, intentionally to jeopardize what you have." He shakes his head as he pauses a moment, then speaks again, "I know you were talking about my position. Do you really think it would be better to walk away, than to stay?"

"It's not about walking away ... you're not abandoning the city AJ. I think what is best is you filling the office that won't take you from us. I don't want to have to hunt you down as a soulless monster because one night you go too far and all that is you... is gone."